My life so far! Whooop!

This was at UKM when I performed with my band for a music event.

Great great night.

Hi everybody! Missed meehhhh? Hehe Gosh where do I start? It's been such a while since I linger around here

Uuuh ohhh, I know! Let's start with that part where I got an offer to further my studies in Universiti Putra Malaysia in Bachelor Of Arts ( English )? It was a start of something new.. It was a start to where I stand today and all the amazing people I've met so far. Hehe sounds pretty exciting isn't it?

Trust me

It is ;-)

So I finished my asasi in TESL two years ago Alhamdulillah. Once I stepped my foot out of Uitm I thought, phewh I never wanted to do TESL for my degree. Education is really not my field. COME ON. I'm not at all a teacher material. I can't teach people. I don't have the patience. I don't have the interest. I so seorang yang tak sabar. Haha

But

I still wanted to do English. ( since I can't possibly do music ) ( well my dad thought that music is a hobby, a passion. Not exactly a priority ) And so I applied for English programmes to various of other unis around Malaysia. UPM was sort of my last choice, but with God's will, I got in.

Packing my bags to UPM, I wasn't expecting much. I didn't know ANYONE there. All I could do was pray and hope for nothing but the best for my studies. Actually, it's still a bit surreal how I'm already doing my degree. Rasa macam baru semalam pakai uniform sekolah Convent. You know what they say. Time flies. And from what I've heard, UPM is one of the best universities in Malaysia. Again, I freaked out. Oh, the pressure!



But then again


once I've reached there, I fell in love.

ORIENTATION WEEK 

To most people it's one hell of a torture but orientation week in UPM was saaaaaauuuu much fun! An entire week of not using your brain bcs they provided you with so much activities eventho some of them made me like I'm in tadika.. all the singing, the clapping, the chanting, the cheering. So effortless weh!

The people there are not as uptight as I thought they would be too hehe some of them are pretty cute too. ONE of them, to be exact. I'm no love expert but I know a beautiful smile when I see one.

MOVING ONNNNNNN

Reality started when orientation week's officially over. So I stroll down to classes at Modern Language and Communication Faculty with my gals everyday. My favourite subject is of course, Grammar. Loooove the lecturer too. Madam Yong she's really dope.

And I, really love my girls.

Week by week passed by, and then I met them.

Asrul, Ikmal, Adika and Fateh

These guys, they were a band. 24 Jamm. It's really interesting how these guys ' found ' me. It all started after orientation week.


During Malam Tunas Budaya UPM, this really epic event opened to all students from all colleges, my college needed a keyboardist for a band performance along with some dance, so I was like " hey here I am ". Haha perfect timing.

I've been playing keys my whole life, so I had no problem at all staying up until 3 in the morning practising with the band for our performance for the night. Used to it, love it.






Adika, that bassist over there happened to be one of the guys responsible for the performance. I believe he was observing me the whole time :P He paid so much attention to me everytime I play the keys. He's the craziest Muser I've ever met. He bleeds Muse. He's also really funny, made us all laugh and forgot all the exhaustion. I can't help but to notice most of the girls there were crushing hard on him. Funny, plays music, tall, come on who wouldn't fall for that?

Me.

Haha I thought he's cool too. But I need to keep my cool as well :p



So this one night, when all the students involved for the night were practising at Dewan Putra, Adika met me and for some reasons he was interested to get me in his band. As the keyboardist...

Anyway, we won.


We won Best Music Of The Night at Malam Tunas Budaya UPM. The moment was priceless. Knowing that you're a part of the sweet victory. It felt really amazing 

Ok girls. See the tallest weirdo in the middle wearing black right there? That's your Adika.

After the little discussion I had with Adika about joining 24 Jamm, I thought hard about it. All I wanna do is play music. And just when I'm in the middle of weighing the pros and cons, I remember that one night when we were all practising in the music room ( I would call it a jamming studio but it doesn't even have soundproof walls. It's just a room full with music instruments WHICH I'M CURRENTLY DEVOTED TO so I guess it's ok ) , Adika Fateh and Asrul literally kneeled down on their knees and asked me to be in their band. Haha those guys are totally nuts but somehow, I felt honoured.

I think those guys are talented. My dad is a drummer so I can't really judge Fateh the drummer in 24 Jamm because I've never seen any other drummer better than my dad. But for someone his age, Fateh has great passion in the drums. And Ikmal? Ikmal is a shy guy but when he sings, he'll impress you with his high notes. I don't easily love people.



But I think I love them.

Dah banyak kali kena propose by other bands, minta jadi keyboardist. But I never said Yes. But to these guys, I didn't say No. I think they're different. And they made me laugh all the time.

And so I said Yes.

Just like that, I'm a part of 24 Jamm.

Unfortunately, people eventually..... know our names. Hey, not bragging. I said ' eventually ', didn't I? Haha. Everywhere I go in campus I would hear things like " hi keyboardist " Lol. Never really did fancy those kind of lines but I just went along with it. I laugh and live my life everyday. After all, you only live once.

A letter to my parents

This is not me. I'm a very happy child living my life with music and my loved ones, but hey, I got my feelings hurt too sometimes.

 Growing up sucks. Really. Now I see, that if I were truly to be myself, I would break my family's heart. I always tell myself that I will never let anyone tell me on how I should look and what I should wear and how I should talk and walk. I used to think that's gonna work and make everybody happy because nobody's gonna get hurt.


But I thought wrong.

I feel misunderstood all the time. I don't know if this is normal for teenagers but I don't feel normal at all. I'm getting tired of dissapointing my parents but I can't help it. I keep screwing things up when I've tried my hardest to make it work and make my parents say " now that's my daughter ". Now, only God knows what comes through my parents' mind when they think about me. It's heartbreaking just to imagine it. I can never blame my parents for anything. They raised me up perfectly. On the outside, I look like a happy 19 years old teenage girl. But inside, I'm screaming.


And I hate myself for that.



I hate it when my parents start comparing me with other kids. Kids who are nicer and smarter. Kids who always listen to what their parents say. I have my own way of trying to make my parents proud of me. But I failed everytime.

I always want things to go MY way. I don't listen to other people.  But that's just because I want to prove to my parents that I can be like other teen girls too. I can make them proud too. I can make them talk about me to their friends too.

I just wanna be myself. 100% me. I never wanna fake anything. Life is too short. Unfortunately, my parents don't allow that. And it really hurts because there's something that's forbidding you to be, you.


Sometimes when I crawl into bed at night, I would say this to myself " why am I so freaking emotional? " But I am. I just am. I listen to my heart too much. 

And again, I hate myself for that. But I can't help it. I just wanna be myself.

LOOK WHO'S BACK!

HI IT'S ME!!!!!!

God, it feels SO good to write again I mean to blog again haha hiiiiiiii okay I know I've said Hi earlier but hey who cares I'll say Hi as much as I want to because this is my corner MY CORNER so HI !

Ehem

Sorry

Sorry for that little outburst

Let's start again, shall we? With a little more maturity this time, considering that I'm already 19 years old. 

Euw


Okay so I'm currently in UiTM Lendu, Melaka taking TESL as my course for a year, it's pretty awesome actually, I'm doing something that I really love and care about. English. You heard me. TESL is all about English.

But unfortunately, just when things are starting to get better, just when I could finally say " man I love this campus " , I came to realize that I only have a few weeks left in Melaka as this is our last semester. Sucks. One bad thing about being a TESL student tho. You only have a year to work really extremely hard for diploma, and then off you go.  Other students get to stay there for another 3 lovely years and have the times of their teenagehood while we have to pack our bags and sob our eyes out when UiTM Lendu is no longer in our sights....

Okay! I'm done tripping down emotional lane, crying a little here.  

I wish to post some interesting pictures and write MORE but hey I'll get back to y'all later aite? It's Sunday and mom's cooking fancy meals and I ought to help before she starts with her " nobody is helping me in this house " poem. Bye! 

I'm coming, Mekah.

I'm coming home, I'm coming home. Tell the world I'm coming home.

Goosebumps, huh?

I know.

Tremendously grateful. Alhamdulillah, it is truly a dream come true, having the chance to see the great Kaabah right before my eyes. Finally. Oh finally.

I am flying to Tanah Suci Mekah this Saturday at 3 pm. To be frank, I have to thank no one but my outstanding parents for this grawsome opportunity. Ibu, Abah. You are the greatest source of happiness in my life. Muchas grasias. :)

Feelings?

Why excited, of course ! ...... and slightly nervous. I am going to meet The Maker, for crying out loud. And my whole life I've not been that good person I'm supposed to be. 

So let's just hope that

I'll come back home as a new Darleen.
Shall we?

Amin.

nobody's perfect. but we can try.

Trying to understand how the male brain works

I AM ACTING LIKE I AM OKAY.

PLEASE DO NOT INTERRUPT MY PERFORMANCE.

HI DOLLS ! So, before we got all emotional, let me just give a round of applause to myself. For what? Effort. For making an effort to be here. Haha I always, ALWAYS, got caught up with Youtube and Cameron Mitchell and Tumblr and Twitter and Facebook phew. Funny how all these social networks are getting dull day by day, but they're still slightly addictive. But I'm finally here. So yay.

So what you people are about to read is 100% true. Well you can NEVER fake your feelings, after all.

See? Baby approves.

Hmm this is starting to feel extremely weird because I have never really been this emotional but some things are best spoken and I have chosen to speak my hearts out here.

My source of happiness

Okay. Apparently, I have been emotionally-rejected by the universe or best known as LIFE. Shall we ?

    You know I DO NOT hate Ibu. Well I just don't see the irony of hating a person who carries you around in her tummy for 9 months and putting her life on risk just to gave birth to you. But seriously, my mother is driving me nuts. 

I totally know that a mother is always right. But I really don't fancy people yelling at me and bosses me around with you know, that kind of voice that mothers do when they tell us to do the dishes or go get a life or something, Ya Allah! I hate to be rude. I really love her.

Isn't she gorgeous ?

 Moving on to the next oh-so-emotional tale.....

Saying ' boys are so complicated ' would be so freaking cliche but I can't help it. I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THE MALE BRAIN WORKS. 

THIS IS SO UNFAIR

This is heartless. Beyond heartless. He knows exactly that I have feelings, real deep feelings for him and what, he's going to ditch me just like that? Yes he is. He just did. This is why I don't fancy love at the first place.

I mean WHO AM I KIDDING? Ibu's right. I'm only 18, I know nothing about love.

And can you flippin believe this? He even featured in my dreams once.. uh this is bad. And there are days when I would decide to sit down and just look at his pictures and just randomly sob my eyes out. jerk.

But everytime I feel terribly terrible about myself and when I feel like life isn't worth it, I would immediately move my attention to Cameron Mitchell. 

His pictures, his songs, every little things about him makes me feel 10 pounds lighter. And I would surf Youtube and watch The Glee Project with my hearts out. I SWEAR I ALWAYS FEEL 360 DEGREES BETTER AFTER THAT. :)

MUCHAS GRASIAS THE GLEE PROJECT

YOU GUYS ROCKED MY WORLD.

And make me feel like a Darleen again.

I owe you guys big time.

Ohey I think I'm going to wrap things up because getting all emotional really isn't my thing.

So goodnight. And oh ! I'll be receiving my brand new phone very soon so I'm pretty overwhelmed about that heh heh. Yaaaay boleh download everything-Cameron dalam phone yay I can finally always keep Cameron close to me. He and his songs have become a part of me already. I truly adore him <3

CAN YOU BLAME ME? I'M JUST A GIRL

Cameron Mitchell Rocked My World

Hello everyone with their noses on this blog  !

" Omg omg omg x100. WHO'S ON THE VIDEO WHO'S ON THE VIDEO X1000 ? "

This is Darleen signing in, and the party is about to start in 3...2....1

My, my, my. You have no friggin idea how overwhelmed I am about this very one post. So without wasting any more time, let me just appease your curiousity. Hmm,  let's see how you guys are gonna react when you see... THIS !

" omg omg omg omg omg omg omg "

DON'T KEEP CALM. FREAK OUT NOW.

HA !

MUST. KEEP. BREATHING.

OMG WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHOOT ME NOW

Hahaha fine. Let me just spill the beans already. The universe have decided that they can't take any of your omg's anymore.



LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, THAT PERFECT FIGURE YOU HAVE JUST SEEN IS 

CAMERON MITCHELL

If you have ever watched The Glee Project, raise your hands !

Well if you have never even heard of it... raise your.. standards?

To be frank, I have a thing for anything that is connected to Glee. Uh-oh. BIG THING. 

Because I love music and any tv shows that is strongly related to music turns me on. Anyways, The Glee Project was a history, actually. But Cameron was in it ! So I guess.. The Glee Project is a legend?

I fell for him once I laid my eyes on him. His voice is like no other. He's got his own style, and an uber cool one, indeed. And he has a big heart too.

GOTTA LOVE THE SPECTACLES !

GOTTA LOVE THE SKINNY JEANS !

GOTTA LOVE THE SMILE !

GOTTA LOVE THE MUSIC !

Now would you please just look at that perfectly created face? Ya Allah. What a masterpiece you have created :-)

Look who's back !

HO FINALLY. A NEW POST. A REAL NEW POST. 

I can't sit still. I wanna dance. I wanna channel all of my old Irish relatives and display my happiness in a jig or something

Haha man, after all these years ..



Scratch that. Good thing is I still have a heart for blogspot.com and thankfully masih mampu mengingati password. Hello people !  Oooh, before we start things up, I believe I'm not too late to wish all of you a very warm SELAMAT HARI RAYA ( off to the fact that Syawal have already left us. Ah. We all sure gonna miss it, aren't we ? )

There, I had a rockin eid. How about you ?

Trust me, there's been a lot of stuff happened in my little circle of life lately. Practically sandwiched in SPM trials, and currently have been elected to be the maid of the house ( since Cik Ida have left for Indonesia last month which sucks ) Oh .. talk about chores ! I have to do everything. EVERY. FRIKKIN. THING. From dishes to laundries, from babysitting to housecleaning. Oh for God's sake ..


Which explains why I pretty don't have much time to roll on the bed and blog ( which is exactly what I'm doing right now ) Lalala. Like a bawse. And it feels good. 

YIKES ! HIJAB



Mmmmm-hmmm. For some reasons, I'm sort of genuinely good at wearing pashmina, you know. That picture was on the first day of Raya, where we had tonnes of fun in Penang.

And yeah .. they keep on telling me how I look better on hijab and stuff, which sometimes made me sit and wonder, am I ready for all this ? I mean, I'm not going to wear it because everyone thinks I look nice on it or anything but if I'm going to wear it, hati kena ikhlas. It have to be from the inside because yknow, the only person who can tell you what to do is you.

Ding ding ding ! We're done tripping down oh-so-emotional tale, now let's move on to what's been happening these past few weeks. These past GLORIOUS INCREDIBLE few weeks

Now did we sandwiched the whole place or what...

This was at Hazirah's place on last 24th of October ( rumah terbuka ) , and we were cracking up like whaaaaaaat haha. Had ZILLIONS of fun with my girls



Give it up for Fayz !

who have been right next to me all day hehe and psst, we do look good in blue, don't we ? :B

And this, was at my place 

Everyone I would like you to meet Syaheera Mina and Diya!

Mmm-hmm. I capital L-O-V-E these girls. They're fun.

Ever heard of a good friend is like a good bra. They make you feel safe and are always close to your heart ?

So these girls are practically .......................... my bras <3

And so I guess I'm pretty much done with my intro. I need to get back to my older posts oh geez, they are major embarrassinggg ! Ahah. Memalukan lah post yang lama lama tu. Kena edit teruk ni haha. Can you blame me ? I was sixteen years old. Hmm. Weird.