A letter to my parents

This is not me. I'm a very happy child living my life with music and my loved ones, but hey, I got my feelings hurt too sometimes.

 Growing up sucks. Really. Now I see, that if I were truly to be myself, I would break my family's heart. I always tell myself that I will never let anyone tell me on how I should look and what I should wear and how I should talk and walk. I used to think that's gonna work and make everybody happy because nobody's gonna get hurt.


But I thought wrong.

I feel misunderstood all the time. I don't know if this is normal for teenagers but I don't feel normal at all. I'm getting tired of dissapointing my parents but I can't help it. I keep screwing things up when I've tried my hardest to make it work and make my parents say " now that's my daughter ". Now, only God knows what comes through my parents' mind when they think about me. It's heartbreaking just to imagine it. I can never blame my parents for anything. They raised me up perfectly. On the outside, I look like a happy 19 years old teenage girl. But inside, I'm screaming.


And I hate myself for that.



I hate it when my parents start comparing me with other kids. Kids who are nicer and smarter. Kids who always listen to what their parents say. I have my own way of trying to make my parents proud of me. But I failed everytime.

I always want things to go MY way. I don't listen to other people.  But that's just because I want to prove to my parents that I can be like other teen girls too. I can make them proud too. I can make them talk about me to their friends too.

I just wanna be myself. 100% me. I never wanna fake anything. Life is too short. Unfortunately, my parents don't allow that. And it really hurts because there's something that's forbidding you to be, you.


Sometimes when I crawl into bed at night, I would say this to myself " why am I so freaking emotional? " But I am. I just am. I listen to my heart too much. 

And again, I hate myself for that. But I can't help it. I just wanna be myself.